When I found out I was pregnant I immediately began to wonder if this little person inside of me was a little boy or a little girl. Even though I told people I didn't care if it was a boy or a girl I not so secretly was hoping for a house full of pink in my future. It wasn't that I didn't want a son it's just that I was scared of having a son. Much like my husband is scared of having a daughter one day (I think his gun collection will grow exponentially if we ever do).
Despite having two older brothers, I didn't know much about life with a little boy. I didn't know how I was going to play with him. How we were going to bond. I'm a girly girl through and through. Tea parties? Check! Dress up? Check! Doll babies? You got it! But a little boy?
Once we found out we were having a son visions of sticks and dirt and trains and legos replaced the tea parties and barbie dolls (and yes I realize these are complete generalizations and gender stereotypes, it is what it is). I wouldn't say I was disappointed when I found out we were having a boy, after all I did (and still do) ideally want one of each, I was just nervous about how we would bond.
Growing up I was a mama's girl. I was my mom's little shadow, always wanting to be with her, dressing up in her clothes and playing in her makeup. That's what I knew and I had always envisioned a similar relationship one day with my daughter. Having a son, I knew Kristian would have no trouble bonding; they would go camping, fishing, play with trucks ect. But what about me? I have no interest in camping, fishing bores me and I don't know how to "play" trucks. Yes I realize this all sounds ridiculous but these were my thoughts and fears.
But here I am 15 months later and I can say with 110% certainty that I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a boy mom. I can't imagine not having this little man in my life. Yes he is very much a "typical" boy. He loves to crash his firetruck into the wall, he loves to run around in the woods out back and pick up sticks, he is already rough and tumble and exactly as I picture his daddy to be as a toddler. But he is also incredibly sweet and loving and extremely funny. He will randomly stop what he's doing to come give me a hug. He will hold onto my legs in the morning while I put on makeup and rest his head on my shoulder as I carry him to bed. And when he blows me a kiss as I leave him at daycare? Basically I melt into a puddle of mommy love. He's my little buddy, my lovebug, my most favoritest little boy in the whole wide world.
And as for those fears of "how will I play with him?" well turns out that I'm a natural boy mom. I quite enjoy playing with the building blocks and racing cars with him on the coffee table. I love playing outside with him and watch him run around the playground, always wanting to climb on things. I'm excited to watch him catch his first fish and play in his first soccer game. I love knowing that I am the first woman that he will ever love and I get weepy picturing us dancing together at his wedding.
As I was sitting on the living room floor the other day helping him put together his lego blocks I couldn't help but smile knowing without a shred of doubt that having this little boy in my life, having a son, was just as it should be.