Friday, November 6, 2009

Last night my poor ECU Pirates fell to the VA Tech Hokies 16-3. I must say they put up a great fight and it was a fun game to watch. However due to their loss and my subsequently losing the bet we had I now have to make and clean up dinner every night next week. This wouldn’t be such a big deal except that Kristian is usually the one that makes dinner  Oh well I’ll just serve up PB&J sammiches every night!

I have to admit I’ve been in the worst mood all week. I get like this sometimes, nothing specific will happen to set me off but I just suddenly find myself irritated at everything around me. When I get like this I just want to go home and be myself, not talk to anyone or do anything. This wouldn’t be a problem except that I live with a guy who doesn’t handle my silence well. He likes to talk (crazy right?) and he likes to know about my feelings (insane I know!) and that’s just not how I’m wired. For me I like to retreat inside myself and wait for the mood to pass, I don’t always want to discuss my feelings and the things that are stressing me out. More than likely it’s the same issues that always stress me out i.e. work, money, wedding planning etc. It’s nothing new really just things getting to me more than they normally do. It always passes and usually without too much bloodshed.

I do feel bad because Kristian feels like I’m shutting him out which is not my intention at all, I just don’t want to put the added worry or stress I’m feeling onto him. But he pointed out that we are a partnership and if I’m upset he needs to know about it. I guess he has a point but again I’m just not wired that way. I’ve spent most of my adult life thus far either single or dating guys that didn’t really give a shit about how I was feeling. I’m not use to sharing and opening up while I’m down in the dumps but I guess it’s something I need to work on.

Anyway I told him we could talk tonight and I will word vomit all over him with everything that is stressing me out or upsetting me if that will make him feel better and stop worrying him that I’m really trying to plan my escape from this relationship. I know that I’m very lucky to have a guy that cares so much for me and my feelings but it’s just a change in how I operate internally and after close to 30 years it’s a hard change to make.

12 comments:

Lacey Bean said...

I do that too, I internalize what I'm feeling. But I learned early on that Dave can see when I'm upset, and he's a VERY good listener, and thinks through everything. So I spill stuff to him far more often than my friends! Good thing I'm marrying him. :)

carrie1 said...

Eww... I hate those days where everything is just annoying! =( I hope you get in a better mood..... IT'S FRIDAY! =)

brittany said...

i totally relate to this! this is just like my boyfriend and i...then when he asks a trillion times what's wrong, i usually end up getting angry. don't you feel sometimes that the roles should be reversed?! well hang in there girl, everything works itself out. :)

KLaw said...

I'm sorry Shannon. I know how it is. Take a nice hot bubble bath, drink a big glass of wine, and call it a night.

april said...

Aw, sorry about the loss last night. We watched and I thought of you.

I'm the same way. I'm not a sharer (shocker to you, I know), but Rob follows me around. He's since stopped doing that, but it was like that for like 10 years. So, there's hope for Kristian. Rob realized it makes things worse if he rushes the talking. I start to displace the anger directly onto him even if it's not him that is making me mad.

bananas. said...

dave is the same way!!! sometimes i get like that too and he has to know everything. it's the sweetest thing and i've learned to appreciate it. in the end, it allows me to open up more and that is a good thing.

sorry about the loss, let's virtually drink together this weekend. that'll make up for it!!!

nifer said...

You are super lucky to have a guy that 1.) recognizes you are having a shitty week and are upset and 2.) wants you to vent to him so he knows what's going on and can take a stab at making you feel better.

Let him!

~ Jen

Ela said...

Sorry about the game :(

It's funny, you sound just like me a few years ago! Over time S had worked it out of me, taught me to talk to out, LOL. Aren't men supposed to be the ones that shrug things off and women the talkers? Every now and then I internalize but he gets on me right away but a part of me feels like I'm just wired that way and a piece of me always will be. It takes conscious effort to put everything out there. So happy you have him to be there for you for anything and everything, you deserve it :)
Hope you enjoy the weekend!

Llama said...

I definitely have those days too. Sometimes I feel like it is better to keep it in, not to burden anyone else, not to always be complaining. In the end though, when I am ready of course, it feels good to talk to someone, especially someone who cares. You are a lucky lucky girl as you know, let him be there for you. xo

Elizabeth Marie said...

OMG. We are exactly the same. I so could have written this post (minus having the loving fiance at the moment) but you know...

It's such a struggle but I hope you can let him in, and then let me know how to do it. I am the queen of pushing away/wanting to be alone.

Elizabeth Marie said...

OH and in other news, YES WTF is up with Taylor?!!!! She was my fav part of that show...maybe she'll get her own?!

LOVE YOU LADY!! Email me if you need to talk...xoxo

AmyB said...

I get this way, too! I've come up with a nice code as a way of telling my husband that I'm in that kind of mood and just want to be left alone. I say, "I'm going to go into my bubble now; I love you!" This way, he knows that I'm not exactly capable of talking about my feelings, but that it also has NOTHING to do with him or something he said/did. It works pretty well. Maybe you could talk to Kristian and tell him that in the future, this "code" or something similar is your way of not alienating him, but instead sparing him your bad mood. I mean, no one wants to deal with a moody chica...he should take this as a compliment and gift! ;o)