Last night my poor ECU Pirates fell to the VA Tech Hokies 16-3. I must say they put up a great fight and it was a fun game to watch. However due to their loss and my subsequently losing the bet we had I now have to make and clean up dinner every night next week. This wouldn’t be such a big deal except that Kristian is usually the one that makes dinner Oh well I’ll just serve up PB&J sammiches every night!
I have to admit I’ve been in the worst mood all week. I get like this sometimes, nothing specific will happen to set me off but I just suddenly find myself irritated at everything around me. When I get like this I just want to go home and be myself, not talk to anyone or do anything. This wouldn’t be a problem except that I live with a guy who doesn’t handle my silence well. He likes to talk (crazy right?) and he likes to know about my feelings (insane I know!) and that’s just not how I’m wired. For me I like to retreat inside myself and wait for the mood to pass, I don’t always want to discuss my feelings and the things that are stressing me out. More than likely it’s the same issues that always stress me out i.e. work, money, wedding planning etc. It’s nothing new really just things getting to me more than they normally do. It always passes and usually without too much bloodshed.
I do feel bad because Kristian feels like I’m shutting him out which is not my intention at all, I just don’t want to put the added worry or stress I’m feeling onto him. But he pointed out that we are a partnership and if I’m upset he needs to know about it. I guess he has a point but again I’m just not wired that way. I’ve spent most of my adult life thus far either single or dating guys that didn’t really give a shit about how I was feeling. I’m not use to sharing and opening up while I’m down in the dumps but I guess it’s something I need to work on.
Anyway I told him we could talk tonight and I will word vomit all over him with everything that is stressing me out or upsetting me if that will make him feel better and stop worrying him that I’m really trying to plan my escape from this relationship. I know that I’m very lucky to have a guy that cares so much for me and my feelings but it’s just a change in how I operate internally and after close to 30 years it’s a hard change to make.