Thursday, November 19, 2009

I need a Xanax STAT

My whole life I’ve dealt with anxiety issues. When I was younger I use to get severe panic attacks which I’ve thankfully learned to manage however I go through periods where my anxiety level will be through the roof for an extended period of time. I’ve taken medication for it in the past which has worked but I wasn’t always a fan of the side effects or of having to take another pill every. single. day. I got off the medication about a year ago and for the most part things were fine however over the past few months I’ve noticed my anxiety level increasing again.

It wasn’t bad at first but now I’m feeling anxious ALL THE TIME. Even when I’m lying in bed watching t.v. I’ll have a knot in the pit of my stomach and my mind will be racing. I know that trying to plan and pay for a wedding on top of work, family, friend and general life stress doesn’t help. I hope that once the wedding is over things will calm down however I don’t think I can go another six months feeling this way without having a nervous breakdown. I’m a ball of nerves all day long, I’m constantly getting pissed off over little things and have to fight to not constantly bite people’s heads off.

I’m hesitant to get back on medication because like I said I’m not a fan of the side effects. When I was on it before it definitely relieved the anxiety but gave me a very nonchalant “I don’t give a F*ck” attitude about everything. Don’t get me wrong it’s great to not give a f*ck over every little thing but I found myself not getting worked up over ANYTHING. In fact my old boss use to question why I never seemed concerned when something would go wrong at work. She thought it meant I didn’t care about my job when in fact my medication didn’t really allow me to care. If a friend was mad at me I was like “oh well, they’ll get over it”. Not good. Now I’m on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. ANY little hiccup at work gives me an immediate stomach-ache. If I don’t hear from someone for a few days I’m convinced they hate me and if I don’t hear from Kristian right after work like normal I’m sure he’s been in a car accident. It’s not healthy.

So now I’m trying to figure out what I want to do. Do I go back on medication or try something else? Maybe yoga? Change of diet? Vitamins? All I know is I have to try something or I’m going to turn into a basket case.


bananas. said...

xanax is heaven in a pill.

i don't have panic attacks or anxiety but i definitely get stressed out real quick. i'm sure the wedding planning isn't helping so i say take the xanax. who cares if you have a "who gives a F" mood. it's better than pulling your hair out or worst...going gray! ahhhh!!!

and while you're at's share :)

seriously though, i hope things get better.

KLaw said...

I highly recommend these fish oil things. That really helps. And maybe some sunshine (or tanning bed). Exercise is good. Try all those before you consider the drugs again.

carrie1 said...

You haven't read the Twilight series??? Girlfriend... you need to jump on the bandwagon. I was anti-Twilight until about 3 months ago.

Reading might also help your anxiety at night. =)

Hope you feel better.

Summer B. said...

Yeah, the fish oil helps. I take them regularly. I am now on meds too and they are a lifesaver.

You know when I am getting anxious...I shake my leg and I then start scratching my chest! AHHH!

I got hives a week before my wedding, so you need to relax, lovey. YOU CAN DO THIS!

May 18th! YAY for us being Taurus'!


Chocolate Lover said...

Exercise, distraction, healthy diet, vitamins, relaxation, meditation are all great things. When you notice your mind is constantly thinking about something thats causing anxiety make an effort to stop those thought and think about something else, something more positive. You can always ask your doc for a different medication that has less side-effects or ones that you can take on an "as needed" basis rather than a scheduled med. Hang in there!

Born to be Mrs. Beever said...

I am all about the vitamins, food/diet and exercise before jumping back on the meds. I know sometimes they are necessary but my mom took them for a while and like you, hated the side effects. It wasn't worth it to her. I totally relate to the anxiety and stress/panic. I will sometimes be watching a wedding show and start freaking out thinking about all that might go wrong on the day of or starting to anticipate the anxiety and panic I might feel as I am walking down the aisle and then pass out on the altar!

Like Choco Lover, it is about distraction. It is overwhelming and thought consuming (thus my blog title) which is why it's important to try to focus on other things as often as possible. You can get through this!

Liana said...

i don't know too much about xanax and I don't really like taking meds but i also get really bad anxiety. Honestly keeping a regular workout schedule really helps me. yoga sounds fun. maybe treat yourself to a spa day with someone that you feel relaxed around. for me routine is everything!

Elizabeth Marie said...

Umm..I'm going to email you tonight. There's too much to put in a comment.

BUT. I understand. SO much. And I love you and will be here for you because like I said...I understand.

And since I'm not going to see twilight, I'll be home BWAH.

I just want to give you a hug. I'm obviously having a rough week with this so it hits home and I hate that you're experiencing this. UGH. ok. Im stopping.


Gracie said...

Oh this isn't good. I too agree with what everyone has said. Fish oil and exercise. I get pretty anxious myself and I have to focus on other things to get through.
Definitely try other things before going back to medication.

Elizabeth Marie said...

Lady. I'm sorry I didnt email. I am working on my novel to you. Gosh I'm having a hard week and it's tricky to get my thoughts in order. BUT I am here for you. I want to be.

Just didn't want you to think I forgot about you. I am way more coherant in the morning. Love you.

nicole addison said...

aww hun, well i know i was having a few anxiety issues a while back and yoga definitely helped me. that and taking a walk each day. :( hope u figure out whats best for u!

Kristin said...

Exercise usually helps me! There's something about sweating it out that calms me. Hang in there!

nifer said...

Um... yes... What was up with Thanksgiving, Christmas and NYE all wrapped up in one box on Grey's last night???? Ah! It's like they are not three holidays anymore, but one!

Now lady, I'm sorry to hear you're fighting some anxiety. I get quite anxious myself about stupid little things, so I can kinda feel your pain. I'm also hesitant to rely on pills to get me through. I would suggest trying Yoga... DAILY! Maybe even twice a day. Do a simple five-minute stretch when you get up with some deep breaths to put yourself in a good mindset to face the day. Then, invest 30 minutes before dinner or bed to wind down from the day and clear your mind.

You can look up different vitamins/foods that help you chill out, and that might help. I find a nice, hot cup of tea and quiet time in a comfy place for just five minutes helps me refocus.

Most of all, work on your inner dialogue. OMG... I totally imagine my boyfriend getting into a car accident when he's late getting home, but then I tell myself that's a silly thought. He's fine. He's working late and on his way home. Reassure yourself.

I hope you're feeling a little better today.

~ Jen

Annie said...

exercise and eating healthy usually helps me a lot.
i hope you can figure something out that works for you hun.

Anonymous said...

I love it! Very creative!That's actually really cool

cecil said...

I highly recommend Xanax and Valium and I always buy it from WWW.MEDSHEAVEN.COM no prescription required