Thursday, November 19, 2009
I need a Xanax STAT
My whole life I’ve dealt with anxiety issues. When I was younger I use to get severe panic attacks which I’ve thankfully learned to manage however I go through periods where my anxiety level will be through the roof for an extended period of time. I’ve taken medication for it in the past which has worked but I wasn’t always a fan of the side effects or of having to take another pill every. single. day. I got off the medication about a year ago and for the most part things were fine however over the past few months I’ve noticed my anxiety level increasing again.
It wasn’t bad at first but now I’m feeling anxious ALL THE TIME. Even when I’m lying in bed watching t.v. I’ll have a knot in the pit of my stomach and my mind will be racing. I know that trying to plan and pay for a wedding on top of work, family, friend and general life stress doesn’t help. I hope that once the wedding is over things will calm down however I don’t think I can go another six months feeling this way without having a nervous breakdown. I’m a ball of nerves all day long, I’m constantly getting pissed off over little things and have to fight to not constantly bite people’s heads off.
I’m hesitant to get back on medication because like I said I’m not a fan of the side effects. When I was on it before it definitely relieved the anxiety but gave me a very nonchalant “I don’t give a F*ck” attitude about everything. Don’t get me wrong it’s great to not give a f*ck over every little thing but I found myself not getting worked up over ANYTHING. In fact my old boss use to question why I never seemed concerned when something would go wrong at work. She thought it meant I didn’t care about my job when in fact my medication didn’t really allow me to care. If a friend was mad at me I was like “oh well, they’ll get over it”. Not good. Now I’m on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. ANY little hiccup at work gives me an immediate stomach-ache. If I don’t hear from someone for a few days I’m convinced they hate me and if I don’t hear from Kristian right after work like normal I’m sure he’s been in a car accident. It’s not healthy.
So now I’m trying to figure out what I want to do. Do I go back on medication or try something else? Maybe yoga? Change of diet? Vitamins? All I know is I have to try something or I’m going to turn into a basket case.