Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The #1 Post Married Question

For many couples the #1 question they get right after getting married is "so when are you having kids?" I mean sheesh give 'em time to unpack from the honeymoon at least before you expect them to start popping the babies out. For us that surprisingly hasn't been our biggest question (though my mom's friend has already offered to throw me a future baby shower!) I think this is due largely to the fact that both of our parents already have grandkids so they aren't in a huge rush for us to start procreating.

Just for the record, if anyone is curious, we probably won't start trying until spring or summer of next year at the earliest. We need to move, get our finances in better shape etc. before we bring a little one into the mix.

No, for us, or rather for me, the most asked question I get is "So how's married life?". I get this almost daily, more than 3 months after the fact. Everybody asks me this, friends, co-workers, clients, vendors. It's amazing. I understand they are just trying to be nice and make conversation and show interest but it's such a funny question to me. What do they expect me to say "It's horrible and I want a divorce"? Even if God forbid that were true do they think I would really tell them?!

I typically respond with "It's good so far, I still like him" but I'm always tempted to say "Mine's great, how's yours?"

Like I said it doesn't bother me, I know they are just trying to be nice but if you really think about it, it's a rather personal question dontcha think? You don't see people asking couples who have been together for years "So how's married life?", maybe because they are afraid of the answer. With newlyweds I guess it's a pretty safe bet that the answer will be positive.

Time to share: what questions have you been asked since getting married or if you aren't married what kinds of other personal questions do you get asked a lot??


bananas. said...

oh gawd...dave and i get the same ANNOYING questions including "when are you getting married? when do you plan on popping out kids? why don't you want kids? why aren't you married? just do it already! blah blah blah!"

UGH! cannot STAND it!!! just let us live already!!!

oh and i totally ask the married life question all the time. ha! only because i don't know what else to say.

brae&joey said...

I completely understand where your coming from and I agree that those are rather personal questions..

A few we get are ..

"When will you guys start trying for a baby? " - To me this question pretty much feels like someone is asking me when do you and joey plan on having sex all the time

"How is married life?" - I get this from my patients everyday

"When are you guys gonna get a house of your own and not live in his parents rent house"

It's so annoying and such personal questions!

Salt said...

I LOVE "Mine's great, how's yours?"
I'm definitely using that the next time someone asks me. Because people still do ask me. Constantly. I wonder if it's ever going to stop.

I mean seriously what would someone expect me to say..."It sucks?" or "I'm miserable?" Even if it was (which it's definitely not) it's not like I would share that information.

We get the kids question too. Often.

Tatum-LeTard said...

HAHHAAAA! I am cracking up over this post... especially the "How's married life question?" I am totally guilty of asking it... you're right it's totally a convo started, but such a DUMB question! I'm sure after my wedding in Octover it'll be the question of the day for about a year! ha! And the babies thing... that is the WORST!!!!!!! Why in the world do people think because you're getting married you're supposed to immediatelty (OR EVER) start having kids? Annoying! Hope you're having a great week!

EmilyB said...

OMG all the time! I kind of hate this question, now that I think about it. You're right, they're just trying to make conversation, but come ON. I need a good comeback like the one you wrote. That's SO good. I honestly might use it on some one I don't care for (not that I have a lot of those people in my life, but you know what I mean.)

I haven't heard many baby questions, probably because I'm pretty young (24.) It mostly comes from much older people in their 70s or 80s. I think things were just different back then.

Summer {Bisfor...} said...

so, i kinda tell everyone that the first year of marriage was super duper hard, when they ask, of course. (that sentence had a lot of commas).

i guess it is just THE thing to ask. who knows. it is funny, we never got the baby question ever.


Bicoastal Bride said...

LOL! We've gotten both of those questions. My answers: Kids -- In a couple years; Married Life -- It's great. :)

april said...

We got that constantly. It drove me batty. We got the kid question for awhile and then after like 5 years, it stopped. My great-grandmother told me I was hopeless and then people assume you can't have kids. Of course, after the kid was born, hours later, the "When are you having another one?" started. ARGH! I mean, seriously.

Kristen said...

We're not even married yet and been asked multiple times when we plan to start trying for kids! thing at a time people!

Nicole-Lynn said...

How funny.. yes, we get asked all the time, "Why did you choose a long engagement?", "Why are you doing marriage counseling, are you already having problems!?", "Ohh your engagement ring is nice, how many carats is that?", "How much is your wedding cost if you don't mind me asking?"--- um, yes I do, and of course "When are you having kids?"... hello, we're not even married yet! :)

I just usually have a funny remark, or tell them honestly that i'm uncomfortable answering the question. Usually they look like they feel bad for asking... and they should!

I think you handled each situation great..

Spanky said...

The baby question is what we get most. Apparently (or so I've been told) "at my age" my eggs and ovaries are going to dry up, fall out, and blow down the street. Who knew?

At the moment my response is easy and shuts everyone up. I say "we have no health insurance and we both work at the mall". Technically we DO have health insurance now...but whatev.

If people keep pressing for a response I discuss that fact that any child of ours would get a big FAIL in the DNA department. Short, bad hair, ill tempered, with a sassy mouth. The world just isn't ready!

Born to be Mrs. Beever said...

Totally get the married life question for sure. Mr Fix It said like you and Salt that he feels like he should respond with "It sucks!" He hates getting asked that question because he thinks it is never going to get a different response.

In the defense of those who ask it, I will say that I think they're really trying to find out how you are adjusting to any particular changes that married life might bring. You were living with Kristian before your wedding so it's not a huge change for the most part, but Mr Fix It and I moved in together the day after the wedding. So when people ask us how married life is, I typically respond with how well we are adjusting to living together after having lived alone for so many years. And of course they ask about how my daughter is doing living with him now and such.

I do think it's silly for sure :)

Mrs. Lopez said...

I get those same questions a lot too! For the one about hows married life I always say its the same as it was before. We dated 7 years before getting married and lived together so nothing has really changed.

His family is the worst about the baby question b/c they dont have grandkids yet. I'm hoping we can start trying on our 1 yr anniversary which is in April.

Mrs. Wedding Crasher said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mrs. Wedding Crasher said...

We get the baby question from people who are expecting or who have just had their first baby. The "how is married life?" is always a worn out one.

Cheryl Ann said...

we've been married 4 months (as of yesterday!) and yeah - every single person i see that i haven't seen since the wedding asks how married life is. i just always smile and say, "it's great! now i know i'm not going to hell for living in sin with my boyfriend - we're legit in the eyes of the lord." people usually smile awkwardly and then change the subject ;)

Jen said...

OMG, I get the married life question from my ex even though I'm not married!

Truth be told, I'm not married yet. I'm not even engaged. But boyfriend and I did buy a house last year, and since then, EVERYONE asks when we're getting married, I see the awkward glances at my left hand.

His parents, however, have moved on. Now his dad just talks about kids, kids, kids. I understand they are getting older and would like to be able to enjoy a grandchild (boyfriend is their only child), but I'm actually in agreement with their super strict religious morals for once: I do not want to have a child until I'm married.

I sometimes wish everyone would just lay off.

bekapaige said...

Yeah... we're still getting that question. I just say "it's great!-it must be right, I'm still doing it" and then laugh. That normally does it.