Thursday, February 18, 2010

Testing our Relationship

We aren't getting married in a church. Initially when we started planning I was dead set on having a church wedding. Probably because 98% of the weddings I've been to have been in a church so to me weddings = church. Well we ended up deciding to have our ceremony in the gardens of our reception venue and I'm pretty stoked about it. However this meant that we needed to find someone to marry us.

Kristian suggested using a friend or family member and having them ordained online. While I think the sentiment is sweet I personally feel like it just wouldn't feel real to me the same way as having some sort of religious figure do it whether it's a Minister, Pastor, Reverend, Priest or even a Rabbi for that matter. I wanted someone who does the God thing for a living.

Fortunately for me after my mother retired from the Government she got a job as an office manager for a small Methodist church up in Maryland. I've met her boss Pastor Steve a few times and he's very nice and also on the younger side (late 30's I believe). My mom asked him if he would be willing to perform the ceremony and he agreed. I was very grateful especially since it means he has to get his license to perform weddings in VA just for us.

One of the requirements to having Pastor Steve marry us is doing a few pre-marital counseling sessions. I have no problem with this and I'm actually looking forward to it. I really believe that all couples regardless of their relationship could probably benefit in some way from pre-marital counseling. I think there are a lot of issues that many couples (including us) probably haven't talked about in depth and doing the counseling can help bring some of these topics to light.

We have our first session this Saturday. The way Pastor Steve does it is that he first will give us each a questionnaire/compatibility test. He uses the results of this to help guide what our sessions will be about. For instance if the test shows that we aren't as compatible when it comes to bills/finances we'll spend more time on that topic. If we score perfect on the topic of children than we may not need to focus on that quite as much.

I have to admit I'm a bit nervous. While I believe K and I are very compatible (I wouldn't be marrying him otherwise) what if we do poorly on the test and Pastor Steve decides not to marry us?! My mother said this happened with one couple that came to see him! I would be horrified. I'm not gonna lie I did ask my mom if she could sneak me a copy of the test since she's the one that orders them. She said no.

Wish us luck! I'll be back with a full report on Monday.

19 comments:

Nicole-Lynn said...

You'll do fine, nothing to worry about :) We took a similar test for the marriage prep course we're taking and it was very eye opening answering the questions. We haven't received our results yet, but I do not think they will suggeset you not get married based on the results. Every couple has their different views on things and that is why they suggest marriage prep/counseling before you get married to sort out these things and make sure you're on the same page before you make that commitment. So go into it with a positive outlook and know that even if you aren't on the same page with things that you are doing these counseling sessions to learn more about eachother and learn some new things :) Enjoy your counseling sessions! I really think they will benefit you both!

bananas. said...

Oh hell no...i would never let some guy tell me who i'm compatible with but then, that's me. I hate being told what to do.

I'm sure you and kristian will be just fine. You two are so cute and so in love. If i was pastor mayra, i'd marry you in a second!

Meagan@Megs7827 said...

I have a friend going through the same thing. They have some pretty big stuff to work through. She left her fiance for another guy awhile ago. I haven't heard if the guy is still going to marry them. I'm sure you guys will be fine. I had wanted to do premarital counseling before we got married but after 5 and a half years of dating I thought we were good. Let us know how everything goes!

Bicoastal Bride said...

I totally understand how you feel, but I'm sure you’ll be fine. :) We really enjoyed the counseling we went through with the Catholic Church, and I think it’s definitely an important thing to do before getting married. Can’t wait to hear how it goes!

Marian said...

I'm excited for pre-cana classes as well. We've been to a few, but we have not taken the compatibility test yet, which we are really looking forward to. It would be nice to know what the other is REALLY thinking on certain issues. I'm sure you two will do great. And just think, opposites attract:)

xoxo

miss fancy pants (the bride) said...

While I think the system that he uses is a little strange (I personally, don't think written tests are that accurate or important, I'd rather just talk it out from the get-go) I think it'll definitely be a good thing. And honestly, you probably know deep down whether or not you're compatible, so the results will more than likely reflect that. Good luck!

april said...

We actually did double duty. We did long-distance counseling with my minister (in my church in CT) and then we did pre-Cana in VA as we had both a priest and minister at my church. pre-Cana was much longer and much more organized and official. However, also look at it as the minister getting to know you. Our counseling sessions helped with that and helped the ceremony be more tailored around us and more personalized which was nice.

Chocolate Lover said...

Good luck although I'm sure you don't need it. You guys will do great.

Kristin said...

We got married at the University of Tampa instead of a church. We met with our minister a few times first too and it was no biggie. I hope it went well for you!

Summer {Bisfor...} said...

did not get married in a church either.

also, DO NOT begin another post with... WE are not getting married...

MY HEART DROPPED!

Salt said...

We didn't do this, but I definitely wouldn't have been opposed to it. Premarital counseling is very helpful to a lot of people! I'm looking forward to seeing how it goes for you this weekend!

Congrats on finding an officiant as well. That can be tough!

Christin said...

You'll be fine! I t will probably bring you even closer and be fun!

We have to go through 6 months (gasp!) of marital classes to get married in the Catholic church. We start in April...

Jen said...

You will be fine! In fact, I think it will be good for you two. I'm looking forward to hearing how it goes and what your thoughts are.

I'm looking forward to this part of the wedding process someday; I just wish they did it sooner -- I think that's really important!

d.a.r. said...

We actually somehow got away without doing this, haha! Our marriage prep course was awesome, but we didn't have to do the test. Phew! I think I would be nervous.

Funny story though...my SIL gave me her big wedding binder with all of her planning stuff in it. She accidentally forgot to take out her marriage counseling/Pre-Cana stuff...that had their test results. We totally read them. Haha! Talk about awkward knowing how your SIL's husband feels about sex...ew!

Mrs T said...

You'll be fine! Hope it goes well. Good luck!

Llama said...

If i ever get married (hopefully someday)...i would probably do the same as you. I like the idea of having it where the reception is...and I know this is kind of mean...but it is so much easier...no offense to churches. I have heard that sometimes they will ask if you had pre martial "relations"...my friend actually lied to a priest!! ahhhh....i just couldn't! good luck! youll do great!

Angie said...

haha.. I remember the feeling you have right now. I am getting married at the end of April and the ceremony will be in a catholic church. We took the test confident that we knew how each other felt about most issues. We did not match on most things. More because two people read a question differently and you don't get to explain your answers on the test just a yes no and undecided option. So it was interesting to say the least when we got the results back. The lady was very helpful she let us know what we need to talk about more. I think it was a good learning experience. We have an all day seminar this coming Saturday to complete our requirements to get married in the church.

Good luck with your test. :)

Larysse Tavares said...

Don't worry sweetheart. Remember Pastor Steve is there to help you and not to evaluate you. You two are going to get married and it won't be a test that will decide if you are compatible or not. People aren't the same. We work on that our whole life. Just relax and don't let this disturb you because I'm pretty sure you already have a lot of things to care about. You'll do fine!

aapuzzanchera said...

I agree with you. I think pre-marital counseling would benefit most couples. While I prefer not to get married in a church and only the church offers the counseling, I would love to get it done somehow anyway. I am sure there are things on there that my beau and I haven't thought about. I look forward to reading about your experience. I am sure you two will be fine.