When I get home in the evenings Hunter will usually crawl, or now walk to me. If Kristian is holding him he will smile and reach for me. It is definitely one of the highlights of my day. I love coming home to a
Last night when I got home I walked in the door and stood in the entry hall, as I always do and waited for Hunter to come greet me. I got down and held out my arms and he smiled as he walked towards me....and right past me into the kitchen to play in the dog's water bowl. Yep I was dissed for a dog's water bowl. I realize these things can be distracting so I went in after him and scooped him up for some hugs and kisses and he cried and squirmed wanting to get down. He had absolutely no interest in me or my kisses. And my heart just about broke. I almost burst into tears. After 10 hours away from his mama he wanted to play in a water bowl rather than accept my affection.
And that's when I was reminded that being a working mom can really suck sometimes. I know that Hunter is a very active toddler whose attention span is about 3 seconds long. I know I shouldn't take it personally but in that moment it was hard not to feel rejected. To feel like maybe being away from him all day is causing us to not have a strong bond, especially now that we no longer have the nursing bond to share. To feel like he is more excited to see his daddy or his daycare teachers more than he is to see me.
Kristian tried to reassure me that this isn't the case. He's becoming a moody, independent, active little toddler that doesn't always want his mama kissing all over him. But it doesn't make it any easier. It doesn't make me miss the newborn days, where all he wanted in the world was his mama to hold and nurse him, any less.
I only get a few hours in the evenings with him and I try my best to make the most of them. To help make up for my time away during the day. So whether he likes it or not, I will smooch on him when I get home, I will play with him and follow him around the house and make him listen to me read bedtime stories, no matter how much he would rather be getting into mischief. He can ignore me when he's a teenager.