Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Marriage- Year One

Before getting married I constantly heard/read that the first year of marriage is the hardest. I never really understood why, you have to assume most couples have been together for a while before getting married and most couples nowadays live together before getting married so why would a piece of paper and a new ring suddenly make it harder? I didn't get it and now that I've been married for just over a year I have to say that personally I still don't get it. If this past year was our hardest then we should be set for the next 50 odd years.

Now that doesn't mean that for some couples the first year of marriage isn't the hardest, so much of it depends on each couples life circumstances. Obviously if you have to face job loss, having a child, losing a loved one or any other additional major life event it will add more stressors to a marriage.

This is also not to say that Kristian and I never had our fights or disagreements because we certainly did. It's also not to say that we didn't face several very stressful events in our first year as a married couple because we certainly did. The first six months of our marriage Kristian was out of work and job hunting and I was carrying the financial load on my shoulders which IS NOT FUN. Thankfully he finally got a job and one that he loves which is even better. We also took on the fun task of buying our first home together while trying to short sell his condo. Yeah not exactly a stress free event. Oh and of course we finished out our first year of marriage with a brand new pregnancy which has been not only very exciting but very scary as well.

So was this past year hard at times, of course, but it would have been regardless of if we were married or not. Every year comes with a new set of challenges. For me personally I think the fact that we were married made going through the hard stuff easier, after all what other option did we have? We knew we couldn't and wouldn't just leave so there was no other choice but to work together to get through whatever life was throwing our way.

I think the key to getting through that first year of marriage, especially if you are living together for the first time or combining finances for the first time etc. is communication and compromise. As I said everyones circumstances are different so I'm in no way judging if your first year of marriage was your hardest but the point I'm trying to make is that if you are getting married or thinking of getting married don't be scared and don't listen to all those that try to freak you out about the first year of marriage and how tough it is because more than likely your first year of marriage won't be all that different from when you were dating/engaged. The biggest difference is that now if you can't work it out and choose to leave there are legal ramifications.

So tell me was your first year of marriage your hardest? Why or why not?

12 comments:

april said...

No, I don't think it was. We had no money but we didn't argue about it because there was nothing to argue about.

We don't argue a lot. We bicker and there are disagreements and compromises where we both feel like we're on the losing end, but on big moments, we always agree. Yes, it's work and a big juggling act. It's important to grow together, but I know that doesn't always happen.

Dani said...

I've only been married 5 months, but so far it has been wonderful. Even better than before, and we were together 4.5 years before we got married!

Marcy XOXO said...

I will let you know April 29th of next year!!! I couldn't agree more though that really most things shouldn't change and getting through the hard stuff SHOULD be easier now that your married!

Meg said...

I'm with you girl--I don't think this year has been our hardest, but back in 2009 we had to deal with his being diagnosed with cancer and passing away within 10 months. We survived that, we can survive everything. Not sure why some people think it's the hardest, but we're chugging along. :)

Kristen said...

Josh and I were just talking about this! We have been married 5 months now, and have had our disagreements, much like you would with anyone you spend the majority of your time with, and like any other couple. BUT, if this is the hardest year, then the rest of them should be a breeze, cause moving to a new state, both getting new jobs, and getting pregnant have all happened in the last 1/2 year, so I think we can tackle anything!

I also think age has a lot to do with this. Josh and I are both in our late 20's, know ourselves well and don't have or want drama that some younger people may have in thier lives (spending lots of time with friends, bars, etc). I have a good friend that married at 21 and she (and her hubs) said there first year was really rough...

Yay for an easy first year!

KLaw said...

Our first year was pretty easy too. 3rd year has been tough, but then again, like you said, its a matter of circumstances. And our 3rd year circumstances weren't easy.

Laura @ Wine and Cheese, Please said...

We've been married about 3.5 months now and it's been a pretty easy transition so far. We lived together & partially shared money before the wedding, so I think that's why it's been such an easy transition for us. Sure we bicker, but we aren't bickering anymore than we did before we got married. Maybe I'm still naive and in another 8.5 months I'll change my view...

bekapaige said...

I completely agree with this! While we had a lot of stressful events and hard times during our first year of marriage, we didn't have many fights or disagreements like I've heard people talk about. I think everyone goes through different hard or good times. To be totally honest, our first year of marriage felt like walking on clouds after our engagement!

Melissa said...

Our first year was pretty easy too. It was defiantly stressful with starting a business but personally it was a breeze. Now our 2nd year and into our 3rd was a bit rough but it made us realize how much we actually did love each other. I think its the hard times that make you appreciate the good times & appreciate each other. I hope you & Kristian have the rest of your years as easy as the first!

Marian said...

I completely agree with you. Liam and I have been living together for a few years before getting married so there really wasn't that much of a change after getting married...though really, there was. Buying a house put a little strain on our relationship and it didn't even have to do with the budget but more with the whole move and decorating. Now that it is ours, just figuring out what we both want has been a little difficult:) We'll get through though

Teenage Bride said...

We faced a lot of unexpected hardships in our first year of marriage, but like you said being married made it so much easier!!!

Nicole-Lynn said...

That's great you didn't face any hardships or have a difficult first year.

I've only been married a little over a month, and it's been great so far. Sure, we've had some dissagreements, but we love being married and look forward to many more years together. I've been with my now husband for almost 10 years since high school. We've been through a lot, truly so it's nice to know we already have been through some tough times and that we are able to get through them together.