Friday, August 13, 2010

Marriage- Expectations vs. Reality

As I'm sure most people do, I went into marriage with a few desires and expectations for how I envisioned our first year of marriage to be. I think a lot of couples plan to spend their first year of marriage doing things like traveling the world or buying a new house or making babies. Now that I'm almost three months into this whole marriage thing I can say it's not totally as I expected. I'm not gonna lie there have been a few disappointments.

Last year at this time I had imagined that our first summer together as newlyweds would be full of fun little adventures. Since we wouldn't be devoting so much time to planning and money to saving for the wedding we would be free to do things like take little weekend trips to the beach or other cool spots we had never been to before. We would go to some fun outdoor concerts or wineries and have a date night at least once a week. I also thought we would be looking for a new, larger place to live.

Well, unfortunately, none of those things have really happened. What I didn't know or expect last year was that despite not having a wedding to save for we would still be on a very tight budget due to Kristian having a new 100% commission only type of job. Without a steady paycheck it makes it very hard to have a set budget or feel the freedom to splurge. So we haven't been on any weekend trips, or to any concerts and instead of looking to move somewhere larger we might actually have to downsize to save some money.

I must admit it's been frustrating and disappointing. It doesn't help to see constant updates and pictures on Facebook of other married couples my age taking fancy trips or buying new cars. Yeah I have a bit of green-eyed monsteritis at times.

But then I take a breath, kick my own ass and remind myself of what I do have which is a fantastic husband who loves me more than words can say, who tells me how beautiful I am daily, who puts up with my horrible taste in reality t.v. and obsession with celebrity gossip, who does the gross chores that I don't want to do like taking out the garbage and cleaning the litter boxes, who cooks for me almost every night and who goes out in the pouring rain to get me the mac n cheese that I'm craving.

And then I remember that I'm pretty damn lucky because despite not having these various material things that I so covet I have the one thing that I've really always wanted and prayed for and that's a wonderful, loving husband.

The fact is we have (hopefully) very long lives ahead of us in which to do all these things- take amazing trips and buy a house, it doesn't all need to be done the first 3 months we're married. I waited 28 years to find Kristian I don't need everything to happen immediately, if it did what would we have to look forward to?


Nicole-Lynn said...

Very sweet post :) I agree with you on not being able to do much this summer as anticipated, but I feel just as lucky with my fiance! That's a great thing! :)

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

I'm totally with you - it's our 2nd year of marriage and with my job loss we've had to downsize A LOT and it's a bummer when we see others buying homes and having babies. But one day you'll get there, like we will, and getting through it together makes it that much sweeter.

bananas. said...

well said my are wise beyond your years :)

you'll have all those things you may take some time but in the end the one thing that will make you happiest is the thing you already have. unconditionally love and a hubby who dotes on you.

Melissa said...

You are totally right and I completely know how you feel. The vacation we just had was the first one in 2 years and that was only possible because we got to stay for free. We have plenty of time for bigger and better things. I'm glad at the end of the day you realize what is important!

Born to be Mrs. Beever said...

Good that you got some perspective in check :) I know what you mean though. I definitely think there is a lot of expectation on what marriage will be like...just like with the wedding. It doesn't usually end up exactly as you envisioned...sometimes it's better, sometimes things let you down a bit, but in the end, it is really about just being in love and happy to have someone to say Good night to each day.