I survived...

...my first day back at work and away from my son since we brought him home from the hospital. As expected leaving him at daycare yesterday sucked hard but I held it together and didn't cry until I hit the car. Thankfully Hunter is too young to get upset when I leave him otherwise I don't know how I would have walked out the door.

I cried all the way to work but once I got there it was easier. My coworkers were all very excited to have me back (and not just because it will now relieve some of their workload). And to be honest it was nice to be back around other adults besides my husband and to be able to leisurely eat my lunch without worrying about my child waking up and needing me.

My coworkers also helped me rearrange my office using my filing cabinet and a partition so that I now have a corner where I can pump during the day without being seen if someone happened to walk in without knocking first and so that people walking by outside can't see me through my window since we're on the first floor. I did almost burst into tears when I got into the car last night and saw that one of the ziplock milk storage bags that was holding 6ozs of liquid gold had leaked and I had lost ALL but half an ounce. I literally cried over spilled milk but as any breastfeeding/pumping mama knows you work hard for that milk. That was a meal and a half for my son that I had lost because I didn't close the bag well. But guess who won't be making that mistake again!

Kristian was able to pick him up at 3pm and according to the ladies there Hunter did great. He was awake most of the day and was happy and well behaved. They gave us his report of all his activity, how much he ate and the number of diapers he went through. He got home and took a 2 hour nap so I guess he was worn out. He also slept pretty well last night so that was nice. Dropping him off this morning was easier though I try to do it quickly so I don't have time to get upset.

Hopefully it will continue to get easier and according to my boss I should be pretty busy in the upcoming months so I may not even have much time to sit around and miss him during the day.

Hard Days

In the six short weeks that Hunter has been in our lives we've already had some hard days. Pretty much all the days that Hunter was in the NICU, the day we had to leave the hospital without him, and the nights when he just WILL. NOT. SLEEP. And tomorrow will be added to the list of hard days because tomorrow my maternity leave ends, I go back to work and I have to leave my six week old baby at daycare.

I have nothing against daycare, I was a daycare child and I truly believe there are many benefits a child can get from being in daycare. But Hunter just seems SO young and little to be sent there already. Unfortunately we don't have a choice, I only received six weeks maternity leave and we can't afford for either of us to quit our job to stay home with him everyday.

This past Friday I took him to the daycare so they could meet him and so that I could drop off his stuff (diapers, wipes, change of clothes) so that tomorrow everything is setup and ready for him. And even though everyone there is perfectly nice and he'll be taken care of, when I got back into the car I just cried. I don't want to leave my baby with strangers. And even though they have FAR more experience with babies than I do, no one has more experience with MY baby than me. I've never been away from him for more than 2 hours since we brought him home from the hospital.

I don't know how I'm going to make it almost 12 hours without seeing my little man's smiling face or being able to kiss his cheeks until I annoy him. Maybe if I cry hard enough my boss will take pity on me and give me another few week of maternity leave... No? I didn't think so.

The worst part is doing the drop off which unfortunately falls into my lap since Kristian has to be at work earlier than I do. He gets the fun job of picking him up and spending several hours with him until I get home. If we could switch places I would in a heartbeat.

So today I'm spending as much time as I can with my little dude and just soak it all in and then begin the countdown until the weekend.

6 Weeks- All Clear

Today my baby boy is 6 weeks old! Holy God where is the time going?!

Six weeks marks a few things-

1. The end of my maternity leave next week- which I can't even talk about right now without tearing up.

2. My 6 week post partum checkup which went well. The doctor gave me the all clear to work out again and to do other "stuff" which made Kristian very happy even though my doctor told me I should mess with him and tell him that I still wasn't allowed to have any "mommy and daddy time" for another few weeks. He even wrote me a prescription to give to Kristian.

Yeah my doctor is pretty awesome and has a great sense of humor.

So now I can work on losing those last 12 pounds to get back to my pre-baby weight. I dropped about 25 pounds with no problem but now have seemed to held steady with this last little bit left to lost. I think the problem is that my appetite which I lost during pregnancy (still not sure how I gained 37 pounds) as well as no longer having the food aversions I had (I can actually eat chicken again without wanting to vomit) has made it harder to lose those last few pounds. Plus breastfeeding makes me SO hungry all the time. Hopefully if I actually start working out a bit that will help.

As for my little chunky monkey Hunter, he's doing great. Still eating like a champ. We haven't weighed him but I guarantee he's over 10 pounds by now. He's sleeping better for the most part but still has his bad nights where he just wants to eat every hour. He's awake more during the day and very alert with constant cooing and gurgling sounds. And he smiles A LOT! I don't care how sleep deprived I am when I see his little grin every morning I immediately forget how tired I am.

Here are some recent pictures:

This is the onesie I gave to Kristian when I told him I was pregnant. It's amazing we actually have a little person now that can wear it. 

Smiling at the fact that he had kept mommy and daddy awake the night before.

Who could resist that smile? 

My favorite part of the day, napping with my little dude.

Our Story

I've seen this going around and decided to take a break from the baby posts to do something else.

1. How long have you and your significant other been together?

We will have been together for 4 years this coming August

2. How did you meet? {What's your "love" story?}

We met in August of 2008 via Match.com. I had just gotten back on after taking a bit of a break and Kristian was one of the first people who emailed me when I signed back on. I almost didn't respond because he was "geographically undesirable" but thankfully I overlooked that and took a chance. He says he had emailed me about 9 months earlier and I never responded (I don't remember this) but thank goodness he contacted me again. We had our first date at Bonefish Grille and were basically together ever since. He claims that for him it was love at first sight and he knew that night I was the one for him. It took me about a month before I "knew".

Our first picture together at a "CEO and Corporate Ho's party"

3. If married, how long have you been married?

 We've been married for almost two years. We got married on May 22, 2010. We picked that date because it's a combination of our birthdays- Mine is May 12 and his is Oct. 22 hence May 22.

4. If you are married, where did you get married at? Big or small wedding?  

We got married in Alexandria, VA at an event space that is also used as a church. We had planned on getting married out in the gardens but due to the rain we had to move the ceremony indoors. We had about 90 people at the wedding so it was on the smaller side but perfect for us. 

5. Do you have any nick-names that you call one another? 

I usually call him Baby (gag I know but it's habit now). When I'm referring to him in an email or text I call him "K".

He calls me "Miss Nay", "Mama Nay" or "MaNay"-- a few years ago his niece gave everyone in the family silly nicknames and mine was SheNayNay since my name is Shannon. Well it stuck and she and her siblings still call me Aunt SheNayNay. Well Kristian decided to shorten it to Miss Nay and then when I got pregnant I became Mama Nay and now when he really wants to shorten it he just calls me MaNay. I just hope Hunter doesn't call me that. 

6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey.

-His kindness- from the beginning I said he was freakishly nice. He is always going out of his way for others and has treated me better than anyone ever has

-His sense of humor- He never fails to make me laugh

-He's an amazing father and nothing warms my heart more than watching him and our son

7. Tell us how he proposed? 

About 6 months after we started dating (quick I know) on Valentine's Day he invited me to dinner at his condo. He had decorated his living room with flowers, streamers and balloons and made a fantastic dinner. After dinner we were listening to music and Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" came on (which was also our wedding song) and he left to get the ring in his bedroom, he came back got on one knee and proposed. I thought he was joking until I looked down and saw the ring. I think I said "Oh My God" about a dozen times before finally saying yes. He actually didn't plan to propose that night, he had wanted to wait until May when we were going to Jamaica but he said he couldn't wait any longer and just had to do it.

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals?

He's a make me dinner and propose kinda guy (see above). It's tradition now for him to recreate the dinner he made me the night he proposed for Vday. 

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch?

I'm definitely a relax on the couch kinda girl. I'm a total homebody though a dinner on the beach sounds pretty nice too.

10. Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere?

Well before I would have said have kids but now that we have a kid I guess I will say travel more. I would love to go to Europe one day. I also think it would be cool if we could own our own business and work from home (not sure what kind of business we would have though)

11. Tell us what you plan on doing on this Valentine's Day.

Probably nothing, we're too tired now with the baby to do a whole night and it will be my first day back at work *sad face*. However this Saturday we are going out for a date night.

12. Are you asking for anything this Valentine's day?

Not at all. Honestly I keep forgetting that Vday is coming up. If I asked for anything it would be for him to watch the baby all night so I could sleep. HA! Priorities have really changed huh?

13. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love.

Never take each other for granted, always remember to thank them even for small things (like taking out the trash). Tell them that you love them everyday (even if you're mad at them). Don't forget to show affection (this gets hard after having a baby but it's a must).

14.  Show us a picture of what love means to you.

My family

Good friends make all the difference

This past weekend my good friend Kristen flew up from Florida to visit me and Hunter (and Kristian I suppose). I haven't seen Kristen since my baby shower in October and typically we are only able to get together once or twice a year so it was wonderful to be able to spend a relaxing weekend together full of baby snuggles, wine (her not me), gossip and chick flicks on t.v.

I'm convinced that Kristen is the baby whisperer and Hunter is madly in love with her. I think he slept for about 4 hours straight on her chest on Saturday which gave me a chance to take a nap, eat with two hands, take a shower etc. The weather was pretty crappy Saturday so it was the perfect day to just stay on the couch and play with my cute little 10 pounder.

If I had enough money I would hire her to be my live in nanny. 

Kristian also offered to watch the baby so that Kristen and I could go out for some Mexican on Saturday night and have a girly "date night". The best part was when Kristian called me 10 minutes after we left and said "He's been screaming since you left, can I feed him?" HAHA. Poor guy.

This weekend was exactly what this tired, overwhelmed mama needed. It's amazing what a little time with a good friend can do. Now we just have to plan our trip down to FL so that our little guys can meet.

Some Florida Sunshine

See that pretty girl on the right in the white dress?

That's Kristen and she is flying up from sunny, warm Florida this weekend to visit me and Hunter in Northern VA, in the middle of winter, when there is about a 30 degree temperature difference.

This is also the same Kristen that helped throw my fabulous baby shower.

This is also the same Kristen that sent us a fabulous meal from Omaha Steaks after Hunter was born so that we wouldn't have to make dinner one night.

This is the same Kristen that gave me tons of advice and support during my whole pregnancy and now dealing with a newborn.

To say she's a good friend would be understatement!

I'm so excited to get to spend the weekend with one of my favorite people and I know Hunter is going to have a blast cuddling with such a pretty lady for 3 days. Have I mentioned that my son already loves the ladies? Because he does. He totally grab the boob of my brothers girlfriend the other night. Yep my kid has already gotten to second base. Sigh. 

Answer-- Not anytime soon

Question- When are you having another kid?

It amazes me how many people have already asked me when we're having another baby? I know Hunter is super cute and all, but seriously? Can we let the stitches from the first baby heal before we start working on baby #2? Hell I'm still not allowed to do the thing you need to do to even make a baby (which by the way is SUPER frustrating for us both) so my go to answer is "not anytime soon". 

Now if you ask my husband's Uncle Stanley he's convinced I'll be pregnant again by Christmas. When he said this I wanted to physically smack some sense into him. Granted surprises happen all the time so while I sit here saying there is no way in hell I'll be pregnant again this coming Christmas who knows what God has in store for us. 

Do Kristian and I want another child? Yes. Eventually. **Though last night while dealing with Hunter's EVERY. HOUR. wake up calls he did insist he was going in to get a vasectomy and that one child was enough** HA! I've always said that I would like to have two children, ideally a boy and a girl though if we end up with two boys that would be great as well. I think it would be great for Hunter to have a sibling to grow up with and have as a playmate. With that said I am in no hurry to go through the whole pregnancy/delivery/newborn/no sleep thing again anytime soon. 

I was VERY lucky that I was able to get pregnant as easily as I did and that all things considered I had a relatively easy pregnancy. But I know that may not be the case next time. For all I know I may not be able to get pregnant again so easily (or at all). I may end up having a very rough pregnancy with complications. It's scary to think about. And even though my pregnancy was pretty smooth, I'm not gonna lie I HATED the first trimester and the last month. I don't do well with pain, discomfort and constant nausea. 

And to be honest, I'm still a bit traumatized from the whole labor/delivery thing. I knew it wouldn't be easy and I knew it would be painful but I also didn't expect the epidural to hurt as badly as it did (one of the most painful things ever) or for the epidural to wear off and have to feel such painful contractions and even though I knew a C-section was a possibility I never expected to have to be knocked out during it and miss the birth of my child. And let's not even talk about having to deal with a baby being in NICU and having to leave the hospital without him. It was a painful, scary experience and I think it will be a while before I'm willing to go through it again.

So when I say "it will be a while" what does that mean? Well I suspect around 3 years or more. I really would like for Hunter to be a bit more independent and preferably potty trained before I have another baby in the house to care for. We also need to be in a good place financially to where we can either afford to have two kids in daycare or one of us can stay home. 

So I wouldn't be expecting any baby announcements from me anytime in the near future, unless of course God thinks it would be funny to make me have a nervous breakdown.