Monday, February 13, 2012

Hard Days

In the six short weeks that Hunter has been in our lives we've already had some hard days. Pretty much all the days that Hunter was in the NICU, the day we had to leave the hospital without him, and the nights when he just WILL. NOT. SLEEP. And tomorrow will be added to the list of hard days because tomorrow my maternity leave ends, I go back to work and I have to leave my six week old baby at daycare.

I have nothing against daycare, I was a daycare child and I truly believe there are many benefits a child can get from being in daycare. But Hunter just seems SO young and little to be sent there already. Unfortunately we don't have a choice, I only received six weeks maternity leave and we can't afford for either of us to quit our job to stay home with him everyday.

This past Friday I took him to the daycare so they could meet him and so that I could drop off his stuff (diapers, wipes, change of clothes) so that tomorrow everything is setup and ready for him. And even though everyone there is perfectly nice and he'll be taken care of, when I got back into the car I just cried. I don't want to leave my baby with strangers. And even though they have FAR more experience with babies than I do, no one has more experience with MY baby than me. I've never been away from him for more than 2 hours since we brought him home from the hospital.

I don't know how I'm going to make it almost 12 hours without seeing my little man's smiling face or being able to kiss his cheeks until I annoy him. Maybe if I cry hard enough my boss will take pity on me and give me another few week of maternity leave... No? I didn't think so.

The worst part is doing the drop off which unfortunately falls into my lap since Kristian has to be at work earlier than I do. He gets the fun job of picking him up and spending several hours with him until I get home. If we could switch places I would in a heartbeat.

So today I'm spending as much time as I can with my little dude and just soak it all in and then begin the countdown until the weekend.

13 comments:

asj said...

I'm dreading that moment as well. I still have around 13 weeks until I have my baby but the thought of maternity leave ending makes me want to bawl. Good luck tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you!

Melissa at Tall Blonde said...

I remember that moment all too well! Hang in there. It will get easier, but some days will still be tougher than others. You'll get in your routine and everyone will be fine.

Visiting from First Name Smith! Kristen highly recommended you :)

K said...

Oh you poor thing. I can't even imagine how hard this must be. I don't even have kids and it sounds hard. Good luck tomorrow! I'm sure he will be just fine!

Mrs EyeCanSee said...

I wish I could say it would be a piece of cake, but it's not. It's hard. I sobbed the entire drive to work that day. But the next day? Was better. And everyday since then.

At least when he was little he didn't know any better. But now? Now HE cries and sobs and clings to my leg. It breaks my mama heart everytime. Thankfully I only do drop off on rare occasions, cause you're right, it's WAY more fun to be the one that picks up.

I'll be thinking about you tomorrow friend! Hang in there! If anything being a working mom definitly makes you appreciate the time you do get to spend with your kids!

Venassa said...

Aww I'm almost crying just reading this. Come have your next baby in Canada.. we get a year maternity leave through the government :p Thankfully, because even in 8 more months I don't think I'll handle leaving her at daycare very well.

melifaif said...

This is like an exact replica of me and having to leave my precious one....six weeks in!!!! It's hard, I won't and cannot lie to you. But you will get through this. I will keep positive thoughts coming your way. It just sucks. Ain't no two ways about it.

Heather said...

I'm really sorry you don't get to have a longer leave time, and I truly hope the morning goodbyes get easier as time goes by. I know you'll continue to truly treasure every moment you do get to have with your little guy.

beka said...

This sounds so rough :( I feel for you and I feel for future-me having read this! I am thinking of you and hope that tomorrow is as easy as it possibly can be.

Kristen at First Name Smith said...

I will be thinking of you! I know its going to be so hard. Thinking about you!!!

carrie1 said...

aww.. this stinks!! =( If I lived closer I would have offered to babysit.. that way Max would have a little friend to grow up with.

PS.. I love that you said you kiss him so much you annoy him, because I do the same thing to Max. =)

westcoastsoul said...

Do you really only get 6 weeks in the US? You should definitely move to Canada for your next baby...it's a year here :S

The Hudack Family said...

I'm so sorry its time to go back already. Hang in there and I pray the day goes by fast.

Meg said...

I hope Tuesday went well, I can only imagine how hard it must have been. I don't even want to think about leaving out little Colin for me to head back to work, it will be bad I know.

I am sure your little man will learn to love day care and so will you.