Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Same Sex Only?

The other day I was bored and playing around on Facebook and noticed on the People You May Know section there was a guy I went to school with. We had been pretty good friends back in the day but hadn't talked in years. I knew he had gotten married a few years back but didn't know if he had any kids or where he was living now. I was curious so I sent him a friend request. **I admit I'm super nosy and even if I don't have any desire to talk to a person I still like to see what they've been up to**

To be honest I didn't expect to hear from him since he's the type that probably doesn't get on FB very often. However I received an email back from him today. He noticed (based on my new last name and wedding photo) that I was now married and sent his congratulations and well wishes. He then explained that when he and his wife got on FB they agreed to only be "friends" with same sex "peeps" and even keep that group of people limited. Therefore he couldn't accept my friend request but hoped I was doing well. I did click on his friend list and saw that he was telling the truth, all of his friends were male with the exception of a few female family members.

I admit at first it stung a bit to have my friend request rejected, even though I didn't really want to get back in contact, I was just curious about what was going on in his life. I responded, thanked him for the congratulations, told him I understood and wished him well. I know every relationship is different and I try not to judge but the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth.

While I guess I can understand why a couple would make that agreement it does seem a bit silly to me. It gives off the impression that you don't trust your partner (whether that's true or not) and their online activity. I know FB and other social networking sites have contributed to cheating and relationships ending but let's be real, FB doesn't make you cheat, if you want to cheat you'll find a way. While I respect their decision I can't help but find it odd and I know it's not something Kristian and I would ever put into place. I don't care if he's friends with girls on FB or in real life. I trust him completely. I think if you start to notice shady behavior from your significant other in regards to online activity then it would be something to perhaps consider but otherwise I just don't really get it.

Do you have any online "rules" with your significant other? Do you think this is strange or totally understandable?

19 comments:

Sunshine In The City said...

I had the same thing happen to me a couple years ago. It was a guy friend from college who I dated extremely briefly and hadn't seen in years. I friend requested him since we have a ton of mutual friends and he emailed me saying that he and his wife have agreed not to friend people on facebook with whom they've had previous relationships. I hardly classify what we had as a "relationship" per his implied definition. Anyway it did strike me as odd as well. But what can you do? I don't care that much it was just strange.

carrie1 said...

Stalk stalk stalk.... that's what I do on Chris' page. Not that I don't trust him.. I don't trust the other people. =) And if I see something sketchy.. I call him out. =)

Britt said...

I can see both points of view...
1. Even if you don't have trust issues, avoid anything that could possibly come up.
and
2. If you do have trust issues, it's definitely a way to make you or your partner more comfortable!
but
maybe those people shouldn't have a social network altogether? and avoid all of it!
This was a good post and defnitely something to think about, ya know?!

Mrs. Lopez said...

Ive never heard of such a thing and I agree with you that you should trust your partner and if you dont you shouldnt be married to them.

My husband and I do not have any kind of rules like that!

Jen said...

I am with you in that I completely understand why they may want to make that decision, and if it's right for them, great. But I also agree that it's not something for me and my boyfriend. If I told him not to be friends with girls, he'd hardly have any friends left! His closest friends are girls he hung out with in college (two of which went to high school with both of us, and one of which I've known since 3rd grade). I trust him completely with his female friends, and I know he trusts me with my male friends.

Spanky said...

That idea is a bit crazy to me. Keeping each other's FB pages on lockdown - what's the point of having them at all? Of course Morgan and I have always been bluntly open and honest with each other ever since our first...*ahem*....meeting. Plus his ADD can't keep up with all the different social outlets these days - twitter, FB, gowalla, 4square...his head would explode if he tried to add anything else such as sneaky side biznass to that!

If you're going to be married you have to have trust.

Bicoastal Bride said...

I think that agreement is completely ridiculous. My husband and I both have male and female friends, both on Facebook and in real life. In fact, the only reason I met my husband is becasue he used to date my best friend and they have stayed friends since. Having to make that type of agreement seems to signfiy major trust issues in the relationship, at least in my eyes.

Lexilooo said...

That seems a bit much to me! My boyfriend and I don't have any such rules. Of course, I'm not thrilled that he's friends with ex's on there (mainly bc of some of the comments she makes sometimes!), but I trust him and I know it isn't a big deal at all! I'd never tell him to not be friends with someone!

Brittney said...

I've never heard of this before... one thing that I have seen though (that may be the appropriate compromise) is couples who share one FB account...

I still agree with you though that FB doesn't lead to cheating...

Marian said...

Yes, this is strange...at least I think so. Like you said, it is the whole trust factor. We shouldn't be able to control who and who not our significant others can and can not talk to. It makes life miserable. And it makes the relationship into something other than a relationship. But I guess to each their own, right?

Melissa said...

Seems like a trust issue to me. My husband and I both have fb accounts and we've never done anything like that.

Jenni said...

wow..... to me, this is insane!

Mrs.Vid said...

I agree with you. My initial thought when reading this was that they must have major trust issues. My fiance and I have no rules when it comes to FB or social networking because we trust each other and assume the best from one another. I do believe though, that if he wanted to cheat on me, or vice versa, FB rules such as "same sex friends only" wouldn't stop it from happening.

d.a.r. said...

Umm that is really awkward. I just cannot imagine being that controlling!!

EmilyB said...

Pardon the language, but that's fucked up. Plain and simple.

Josh plays on a co-ed kickball team in DC. I do not. He goes out with the team after the games (actually, the whole league meets up at a bar in DC after the games). There are girls. He's friends with those girls on facebook. I'M friends with those girls and some of the guys..it's just so weird for me to think that either of us would a.) have the idea to put that "rule" in place and b.) actually agree to follow it! Yeah...no.

Lindsay said...

That seems kind of weird to me and screams, "I don't trust you!!!"

Dani said...

That's crazy! They have total trust issues going on...I would never force my husband to only have male friends. And if he asked me to do that...well, I probably wouldn't be married to him!

Teenage Bride said...

weird..... my husband and I have many friends on facebook but most of them are nothing more than old classmates. we trust each other soooo it doesn't seem like a big deal.

Every one is different I suppose.

Saying I do said...

Wow! I think that is completely insane and completely signifies a major lack of trust. I seriously will never understand this arrangement they have.