Friday, January 13, 2012

2 Weeks Old

Today Hunter is two weeks old and it's been one week since we brought him home. In some ways it feels like he was born just yesterday and in others it feels like he's been here forever. This first week with him home has definitely been challenging.

I had my one week follow up appointment with my doctor so he could check my incision which looks great. He said I could increase my activity level, which is good since it's hard to be too lazy when you have a newborn. I had also lost 20 pounds in 12 days! The nurse was quite impressed. My belly seems to shrink daily and I'm slowly starting to look like my old self but with bigger boobs. Breastfeeding and living in a 3 story house where I go up and down the stairs a million times definitely helps.

I've been a bit of an emotional mess the last few days. Yesterday I broke down in tears over someone's facebook status (it was one of those "repost this if you love your mother" ones). Yeah seriously. I was lucky during my pregnancy that I wasn't super emotional and didn't cry much but boy is it hitting me now. I'm still struggling with the whole way the birth went down and get upset whenever I see someone have a baby on t.v. because I'm reminded of what I missed. I'll get over it eventually. I hope. And as with most new mothers I'm sure, I'm constantly questioning my abilities as a mother, especially at 1am when my kid has been crying for hours and nothing seems to help. Yeah, that's been almost every night this week. It's hard. But logically I know it's totally normal. Emotionally it's a different story.

Hunter has been doing well except for the whole having his days and nights mixed up. Tuesday night was awesome he slept in 3 hour stretches and would fall back asleep after being fed and changed no problem. However, every other night has been incredibly frustrating and tiring. We try to keep him awake for a few hours before bedtime, we feed him a big bottle, change and swaddle him and even play some music for him (he LOVES Bob Marley and Reggae) but so far it doesn't seem to be working at least not until around 1-3am when he finally wears himself out. Monday night I had a total breakdown and started crying because I felt like a horrible mother who couldn't soothe my child. Poor Kristian was stuck dealing with a crying wife and child. Have I mentioned my husband is a saint because he pretty much is.

Other than that Hunter is a great little kid (during the day). He's still eating like a little piglet and breastfeeding well and everyday a little bit more of his personality comes out. We have an appointment next week with a pulmonologist to see about getting him off this Apnea monitor.

If anyone has any advice for making this kid sleep at night I'm all ears.

Below are some more pictures and a cute video we took last night of Kristian making Hunter smile.

First mohawk!

Bright eyes.

My two most favorite people.


KLaw said...

I wish I could just give you a big hug. Those first few weeks are so challenging. And unfortunately I cant offer any advice on the sleeping thing, because, well, you know how well that has worked for me for 18 months. My only advice is to literally walk away if it gets to be too much. No child has ever died or been hurt from crying. And you need to tend to yourself before anything else. If you aren't well emotionally, he wont be either. Can you and K take turns getting up with him at night? K does a bottle while you sleep and vice versa? I wish I could help!! I'll be there soon to give you some relief!

KLaw said...

Oh, and PLEASE dont hesitate to talk to your doctor if you feel like you need a little help to get through all the anxieties. I regret waiting so long. i missed so much of smith's infancy being depressed when I could have been in a better place had I talked to my doctor sooner.

Veronica @ Germlisch said...

That video is ADORABLE! And girl, I'm quite sure most mothers go through that phase (though I cannot speak from experience - yet).

I did run across this video last week that may or may not be able to help you out. Check it out when you have time:

Heather said...

What a sweet video! I'm sorry to hear about the anxiety and frustrations you're feeling, and wish I had some helpful advice I could offer. I guess the best I can do is to send hugs and warm thoughts your way!

Allie said...

Oh mama! I hear you on the anxieties! If you ever need any advice let me know, those first few weeks {months} can be very trying and frustrating but it will pass!:) You are totally right when you say "It is NORMAL!" because it is!!! Try your best to rest up, I find when I got super anxious I just needed to really focus on sleep...which is way easier said than done especially when your BF because you are on call 247 haha!

I cannot believe he is 2 weeks already! He is such a doll!

april said...

I found when Laura was strictly breastfed, she slept less. She'd cat nap and then only sleep if she was actual nursing. The minute she'd unlatch, she'd wake up. Because she had a rough start in life, she always breastfed but finished every meal with an ounce of formula, but that's individual to her and how she made her start in the world. That gave her an extra push and put her out for hours. She seemed to always sleep well and to schedule. Her natural defense mechanism was to sleep. It takes time to figure out the child and the new routine. Once you do, everything will smooth out.

He's such a good looking kid! Thinking of you!

Venassa said...

Adorable video!
I have been exactly where you are. Chloe would scream her head off and not go to sleep until almost 3am for a few nights in a row. It near kills you. I didn't know what to do then, and I still wouldn't now. Once he gets used to baths (Chloe hated them at first) I'd say give him a bath every night about an hour or two before you want to get him to bed. It relaxes Chloe even when she's cranky and super tired.
Good luck with it sweetie! It's so so rough but crying sometimes even helps. There have been a few times that I've gotten so frustrated, cried, then cried more out of guilt that I was frustrated with her. Nothing is more messed up than motherhood and you're definitely not alone.
Oh and it also helped me to EXPECT her to cry and not sleep until 3am, that way I was prepared mentally, and if she went to bed earlier it was a relief.

Mrs EyeCanSee said...

Hunters night time routine sounds exactly like Jamie's when he was born. I promise it does get better. By the time I went back to work when he was 6 weeks old he finally had his days and nights straight and was giving us longer stretches at night. Right now it may seem like you will never sleep again but hang in there. He will settle into a routine soon.

Everyone always warns you about the sleepless nights but until you experience it you really have no idea.

As for the rest. The worrying. The anxiety. I still have some 18 mos later. I think it comes with the territory of being a mom. Don't be so hard on yourself. Sounds like you're doing a great job!!

Kristen said...

Isn't it crazy how fast time goes with a little one?

I was an emotional mess the first few weeks after Caleb, like more tears than my whole pregnancy combined. I blame it on hormones and so little sleep. BTW isn't it amazing how fast you get used to sleeping in 3 hour stretches?!

Hang in there girly, in a few weeks he will have the day/night thing figured out!

Meg said...

He is adorable! I love the little smile, so sweet!

I'm sure things will start getting easier, fingers crossed for you because I am scared to death to have my baby and to deal with all this! It is mildly overwhelming.

I hope little man gets his days and nights fixed and soon.

Kristen said...

I love his first mohawk!! And I sure hope he figures out his days and nights soon... hang in there. All of my friends have said the first few weeks are the hardest... but they've also all said it gets so much easier.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

ADORABLE video. You have yourself a very handsome little son!

Mrs. Pancakes said...

oh my goodness...he is so adorable!!

AmyJean {Relentless Bride / Fry, The Baby} said...

LOL. Larry gave Annabelle her first mohawk too. He was so proud of that photo! I love these pictures. Hunter is growing so beautifully!